Invasion of the Laundry Snatchers

Invasion of the Body Snatchers
Has something small, non-crucial, tiny and not a big deal in the grand scheme of things ever really BURNED you up?

That would be where I am right now.

About three weeks ago, as I prepared to leave town for Atlanta, I did some laundry. Four or five loads, I think. I live in a high rise building, that has the debit-card-operated machines in a laundry room on the top floor. You put your things in, pay to start the machine, and go back down to your unit to wait the 35 minutes for wash, 45 minutes for dry.

The benefit to this system, which at times is a bit of a chore, is that you can successfully wash/dry up to five loads of laundry in an hour and a half. With folding time, you're at two hours - and you can watch a movie in the meantime.

I do my laundry pretty regularly. I travel a lot, so it is often unpacking, into the hamper, washing and re-packing. I know the drill.

I don't, however, sit upstairs and watch my clothes as they wash and dry. My first two years in Chicago, we had to lug our clothes to the laundromat five blocks away, and that was enough laundry-watching for anyone's taste.

(That reminds me, there was a hilarious laundry push-cart incident when Jill's cart met a cracked piece of sidewalk and her 5' little body got thrown over the top of the cart, leaving her upside down on Webster Avenue. I know I shouldn't laugh at the image of her body splayed out across her white metal 'granny cart,' but I just can't help it.)

I digress.

So, this laundry night a few weeks back. I didn't realize it at the time, but as I went to pack for a trip, and subsequently un-pack, I realized that I was missing a few things. A black cardigan and a pair of black Michael Kors jeans, to be specific. Trying to be thorough, I retraced my steps. Which led me to New Jersey, naturally. I called the hotel in Princeton to no avail. They went all the way back to June to assess if I had any "found items" attached to my hotel room records, and I did not.

I then scoured my closet. I'm a neat person and tend to put things back after they've been worn, so it was unlikely that I'd find them there. It's not like I've been sleeping over at anyone else's place lately, so where could they be?

Then I realized, as I dressed one night for bed, that I was missing a pair of black PJ shorts that match a set I have. Never mind, I'll reach for the grey pair. Also missing. Both coordinating tank tops were in my drawer, which is a hefty clue to the fact that the shorts were missing. I'd never pack/wear the mismatched set. (That fact likely sounds far more unusual than it is, I assure you).

Then what?

A few days later, I realized I was missing my grey leggings and a navy tank top, which also goes with PJ pants.

Now I was just annoyed. Ticked off to no end. I had now counted SIX items of clothing, all in the dark wash family, that were missing.

Without suspicion, I drafted a little "Missing Laundry" sign for the bulletin board in the laundry room. Promptly went up and tacked it there. Offered a reward, even. Gave a "no questions asked" line. Suggested several ways to get in touch with me, and ways to return the items for said reward. Come on, you ladies KNOW how hard it is to find pants you like - and these were Michael Kors jeans that fit me perfectly!!

Anyway. I just went up to the laundry room to put a few loads in while I wait in anticipation for the ABC fall shows to premier.

AND....my sign is gone.

Did the clothing thief realize that I was hot on their (his? her?) trail and take it down!? Who would do that, unless they feared getting caught? The sign removal isn't until the end of the month! And it's only the 23rd!

(And yes, I'm totally staring at every person that is even remotely close to my size who wears black jeans to see if they're sporting an MK on the butt pockets. Just don't ask me what I'll do if I DO spot them!)

I couldn't be more annoyed right now. I immediately grabbed a piece of paper, a Sharpie marker, and made a new sign, listing the items and once again offering a reward and return options. I'm taking it back up there in 17 minutes when my loads are finished washing.

Please don't tell me I'm going to have to watch condo channel 94, the one that spies on the laundry room, from now on when I put clothes in? To keep an eye on the machines, on a look-out for clothes-snatchers AND sign-stealers?!

That would bring my single-living to a whole new low.

Changing the channel now...