Fat Chance

There is a Corner Bakery going into the lobby of my office building.

This CANNOT be good for my wallet, or my waistline.

It sure will be convenient in the winter, however, when the temperature is at a balmy 9 degrees with galeforce winds whipping around Michigan Avenue.

I'll be fat enough by then to ward off the chill, though, I suspect.

Famine, Poverty, Death & Whole Milk

I am saddened by a story I saw today on the news.

No, it wasn't anything to do with animal cruelty, natural disasters, gang violence, diseases or orphaned children in Africa. (Though, those things DO make me sad, of course.)

Nope. The news item that caught my eye, and then turned my stomach, is reproduced below from MSNBC.com. Instead of linking you, and taking the risk that you'd not read the article, I've reprinted it here. It's short. Then we'll discuss.

Olsen twins’ Starbucks scandal
By Courtney Hazlett, The Scoop

De facto Starbucks spokes-twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen might have a scandal on their hands. A former barista from the Olsen’s oft-frequented Starbucks in New York’s West Village allegedly used to swap out skim milk for the full-fat variety when the girls came by for their caffeine fix, reports OK! magazine.

The twins regularly ordered Grande nonfat lattes, but according to the Starbucks snitch, “the barista thought the Olsens were too thin, so whenever they ordered their usual drink, he would replace the skim milk with full-fat,” the source told the magazine.

The Olsen’s rep responded to the latte lunacy saying, “This is ridiculous.” Yes, it is, but one fellow latte-lover close to the Olsens (who requested anonymity) said that she sympathizes with the twins—to an extent. “It’s also my worst nightmare—that and getting a huge diet fountain soda that is mistakenly regular Coke—but I can def(initely) taste the difference, so it’s their own fault if they fell victim.”
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Ok. Let's dissect. Several key words stand out to me, making this "scoop" item utterly and completely ridiculous:

-Scandal. Uhm, really?
-Snitch. Are we in high school?
-Allegedly. What? Is this going to trial?
-Victim. Of what, being fed?

But, my absolutely favorite part is the quote, from an anonymous "friend" of the Olsens, who claims that her "worst nightmare" is getting a diet drink from a soda fountain, only to realize, the shock, the horror, that it is regular Coke.

I'm sorry. If THAT is her WORST NIGHTMARE, I want to live her life.

At the very least, I'd put Mary-Kate and Ashley's fashion choices up there in the list of nightmares, but that's just me.

Recycled

A few weeks ago, my friend Katie told me a cute, sweet story of mid-day urban romance.

She was walking to get lunch, the sun was out, and a handsome stranger approached her. "Excuse me, this may be kindof weird, but life is short, so I figured what the heck. Are you single?"

She laughed, shyly, and said, "Well, kindof." This is the every-girl answer that gives everything and nothing away all at once.

Handsome stranger sticks out his hand, introduces himself (Scott) and says, "I never do this kind of thing, but I couldn't resist - you're so adorable!"

She giggled, nervously, and allowed him to give her his phone number after he says, "We should get lunch, or coffee, sometime. I work at the Tribune right nearby." (He had no cards on him, and she was clutching her phone, so this all seemed normal). He entered his digits into her cell, and then they parted ways. Not before Katie had noticed that he was well-dressed, outwardly normal, and was heading back to the office at the Chicago Tribune, which, incidentally, is across the street from our office.

Satisfied by the unexpected compliment, Katie shared her story humbly and we had a good laugh. We were actually quite proud of Handsome Stranger for his nerve, his suave yet unrefined ways, and his all-around general likability.

Katie was pretty sure she'd call him. And by call him, I'm sure I mean that she'd play coy and text him. Whatever. Not all of us have the nerve...

Anyway. A few weeks go by and Katie has yet to call him, text him, or send a carrier pigeon to the Tribune offices.

Yesterday, I'm at work really early and have just left Starbucks at 6:30 A.M. to head downstairs to meet my colleague for a long trek to central Illinois.

As I turn, clutching my coffee, I hear a guy say, "Excuse me, this may be kindof weird, but life is short, so I figured why not. Are you single by chance?"

I literally am taken off guard JUST long enough to notice that he is nice looking, well-dressed and seemed likable. And then it hits me.

It is THE SAME GUY AND THE SAME LINES. Rings a bell. Loud and clear.

I say, "Well, no, I'm not actually," to avoid the awkward denial of his phone number. He says, in return, "Well, okay. I never do this kind of thing, but I couldn't resist - you're so adorable!"

It was practically WORD for WORD.

Now, either that guy has some serious creativity issues, or he's a total Michigan Avenue player and figures he'll play his odds.

Not sure. I was left holding my recycled coffee cup, a recycled newspaper and the mental replay of recycled pick up lines.

Spiked

Construction on the Lake Shore on-ramp at Belmont. New "no turns except buses" signs. Diggers, pipes the size of my apartment and road workers milling about. CTA supervisors doing little supervising. Gravel on road, dust everywhere, noise like you can't believe.

All of this means that it now takes 40 minutes to go 4 blocks down Inner Lake Shore.

I should start spiking my coffee before boarding the bus.