Ding Dong to the Rescue

This one is just too good to keep on the shelf. Pun intended.

As you've likely read, I work in an agency. Which means that I'm surrounded by people that are far more brilliant and creative than I could possibly imagine. And, they are silly, funny tricksters.

A colleague of mine, John, is very outgoing, friendly and talkative. He's in new business development, so that is a convenient mix of traits for him to boast. He's a storyteller like me, and I can only imagine his friends teasing him the same way mine do.

For whatever reason, John finds himself in some pretty outrageous and hilarious situations sometimes, and I can hardly wait to tell you this one. I only hope it translates to be as funny as it was when I was listening to it fly around the office today.

And I was really listening. I heard roaring gales of laughter coming from the cubicles and just had to know the source.

John was the source.

So, he was waiting for the bus at the train station yesterday morning, having just arrived in on his commuter train from the 'burbs. Yes, he's one of THEM. Don't judge.

Anyhoo, he was standing with his trusty little leather commuter briefcase, minding his own business (which in John speak means he was making idle conversation with a stranger with whom he'd soon be exchanging numbers and making dinner plans) when it happened.

A man and a woman were crossing the street together in front of him. The man, in his full business attire, dropped to the pavement. The woman bent down, frantically, over him and began rifling through her oversized handbag, in a sheer panic. She then turned to the crowd over her shoulder and shouted, "He is in a diabetic coma! I need something sweet!"

John, ever the Boy Scout, looked into aforementioned trusty briefcase to find the lunch nestled there inside between his Wall Street Journal and Ad Age. He quickly ripped open the brown bag (likely packed by his wife, but this detail is unconfirmed) to discover he had one! A sweet! A treat!

He held it above his head, moving towards the downed man and the frantic woman. He shouted, out loud as most shouts are, "I have a Ding Dong!"

(author's forced pause for inevitable inappropriate giggles)

Now, of course he was referencing his individually wrapped Hostess Ding Dong, but who knew. It is the city, mind you.

She looked up, and said, "Is it sweet?"

(another pause for inappropriate giggles)

Oh is it.

Not to mock this woman in her time of need, but come on lady, haven't you ever heard of a Hostess Ding Dong!? Surely she's graced the inside of a supermarket, a convenience store, a pantry, a school cafeteria or even seen a vending machine since 1967?

I digress. She was flustered, so I'll give her a pass.

John stepped forward, waving his Ding Dong (sorry, too easy) and said, "Yes! This thing is sweet enough to bring a horse out of a diabetic coma!" and thrusts the treat in her direction. (sorry, WAY too easy)

The frantic woman, growing less frantic as she mashed the Hostess cakes into the poor fellow's mouth, probably failed to miss the ridiculously apparent humor in the situation. In fact, I'm quite sure she did.

But, the office here didn't miss a beat.

Oh - you want to hear how the story ends? Geez, you're so thorough.

The diabetic man was fine. He got up, brushed himself off and resumed his day on a better note than it had apparently started. Both he and his lady friend thanked John profusely for his kindness, timeliness, and convenient possession of an individually wrapped sweet treat. He even had a sweet woman, who'd watched the whole event, say to him when they'd finally boarded the bus, "Things will surely go your way today" implying some sort of cosmic or karmic retribution.

I'll let him get away with the fact that he's a grown man, ahem, carrying a Hostess cake in his lunch.

But, the office, as I mentioned, never misses an opportunity to tease. Promptly, the designers were whipping up a "King Dong" medallion which was then printed out, pasted to foam core, trimmed neatly and affixed to glistening blue beads. He was pronounced the King Dong for the day (apparently it was actually King Don, but that's not as funny). And the rest of the office was trying (unsuccessfully) not to cross that line TOO far when making jokes. Retorts. Some of which HR probably wouldn't like.

Let's put it this way.

When a colleague claims he saved a man's life, and it involves putting a Ding Dong in the other man's mouth, it is just too easy.