All We Need is Love (and Great Boots)

Today, I have decided to celebrate love. Not the love that is manufactured by Hallmark and perpetuated by chocolate and pink hearts, or even the love that is between two people in an exclusive relationship, but the genuine and much broader definition—the kind for which I am so grateful.

And, true to the title, I will make this long story short. Bulleted, even. Let you get back to loving those that you are fortunate to have in your life.

• While I am celebrating this year on my own, I couldn't be happier that my sister has a dear man in her life. It is enough to just hear her share stories of their dates, laugh about their time together, to know that she's being adored and taken care of. I am so grateful that George came into Lauren's life, and I am thrilled that she has her very own special Valentine.


• I am hosting a few of my best friends over for dinner and drinks tonight, and that is just so great. I'm thrilled to open my house and my kitchen so that we can all merge our favorite dishes and celebrate each other this way. I'm serving chocolate mousse martinis (with raspberries, chocolate cookie sticks and chocolate shavings) and I'm pretty sure that at least one of us will say "I love chocolate." That's a good thing.


• Opening today's mail proved worthwhile—I got a small square box from my parents that held a bag of chocolate candies, a t-shirt for St. Patrick's Day that says "Everyone loves an Irish girl" and the nicest card I've received in quite some time. I am lucky to have their love every day and today is no exception.


• My dear friend Jill left me a lovely little card as a surprise with my doorman, and her lovely parents sent me one in the mail. They sent me a Valentine! I couldn't believe it, and can't quite express how good it feels to know that I'm appreciated for the role I play in Jill's life. She is definitely always going to be one part my Valentine—I'm pretty sure her husband will share.


• As I subtly mentioned yesterday, I have a new "pen pal" and just getting the lovely little chatty emails has brightened my days and made me realize that I am pretty awesome. I will survive. And, I realized this week, that I will love again, and that if it could be that good with the not-so-right guy, think about how great it will be with the right guy!? I'm encouraged.


• I am back working, doing what I love, and so far the people I'm working with couldn't be kinder, funnier and smarter. I'm in the right place, and isn't that a feeling we all love and treasure?


• I got to reconnect last night with my good friend, and former client, Melissa who has since moved from Chicago, traveled the world with her husband, and has landed back in her hometown of Sydney, Australia. When we talked last night, it was as if a 17-hour time difference, thousands of miles and two years since we last saw each other didn't exist. Good phone calls like that? I just love.


• I bought myself a huge bunch of bright lemon yellow hydrangeas today, to fill the grass green pitcher that I use for a fresh flower vase, and they are smiling at me from across the living room. Who says the flowers have to be red, pink or white? And, more importantly, who says they have to be sent from someone else? I think that keeping beautiful things close by is something that we deserve, and it makes me feel self-loved.


• And, finally, I stopped into Nordstrom Rack on my way home from work last night, and spotted, buried in a chaotic shoe aisle where only the tall girls and big footers go, a pair of buttery, brown, leather riding boots (with soft dark brown sweater accents), nestled there in the rack with clearance Ugg-knockoffs and stiletto pumps. I picked them up, only to discover that they were the exact same boots that I'd admired a few weeks ago (back in my unemployed days) while "shopping" the boutiques on Southport with Jill. They were $275 there, and not my size anyway. I longingly left them there, but wished I could spend that kind of money on frivolous boots. Well, looky here people, the universe brought them to me anyway. How's that for footwear karma? And, as you guessed it, they were my size, and the only pair in the store. Oh, and they were WAY discounted from that boutique's price. They're in my closet, just reminding me that every now and then, it is ok to love yourself. With new shoes.

See? I am in a good place, and am thrilled to celebrate the love we share with friends, family and each other. And, you know what?

I love myself. And, that feels pretty darn good.

Go hug someone.

That feels good, too.

These Small Hours

As a follow up to my very personal and humbling post Sunday night that expressed the pain I have been going through, I wanted to share this. I heard this song on the radio today and think it can say better than I could how I'm feeing right now.

As a meager attempt in my own words, let me say that I'm optimistic, hopeful, informed, comforted and bearing no regrets. It is a new day.

--
"Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas

Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels.

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain.

Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And I don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We’ll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end.

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain.

All of my regret
Will wash away somehow
But I cannot forget
The way I feel right now.

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain.
--

These small hours have been tough for me, but I'm healing and moving on to bigger and better things.

I'm hopeful that the job front will open an opportunity this week, and I have reason to believe that is true, and with that, I begin again. I will start something fresh, while putting to bed the memories that the last year enabled, the relationships I have made and the joys that I experienced. Those I will treasure forever.

I refuse to feel regretful for sharing, loving, giving and opening myself up to being vulnerable. I know now that I can and will love again, and a new start, a new president, a new job and a new day will help me see things more clearly.

Little wonders still remain.

The Lies Hurt

I'm not feeling very funny today, and I don't have any charming stories or little observations to share.

Just this tiny little diatribe, vent and plea:

Someone very close to me has been very, deeply hurt by gossip. Widespread gossip. Hurtful, horrible, humiliating gossip. Gossip that is based on nothing but lies, misjudgment, accusations and backhandedness. Jealousy is a very ugly thing, and it makes people do very inhumane things.

I sent this person my love and support, but my heart literally breaks as I empathize with the pain and humiliation that gossip can bring. My stomach churns with the pain of knowing how hurtful this is.

So, Internet, I beg you. Please do NOT believe everything you read. Most of it is garbage, trash created and disseminated to sell magazines, make money or cause trouble. Most of it has very little to do with the truth. And, the people who associate themselves with it are just as low as you can be.

And, please silently send good karma out there into oblivion for my loved one. Today is the day for the loving and kind thoughts of strangers to lift one up from the depths of yuck.

This person knows how I feel, how much I care, and how much I faith, belief and support I have, and for that, I am proud.

Nasty gossip, and authors/spreaders of it, be damned. You'll get your due.

Wouldn't Fit on the Card

Mom teaching me things even then. Christmas morning circa 1978.
In honor of Mother's Day, I'd like to honor mine. I'm one of those women you envy. One who has a fantastically fun mother with whom she can share stories, clothes, laughs and a bottle of wine. Or two.

As I age, I catch myself more and more saying things that we used to tease her for, or waving my hands the way she does, or crinkling my nose to stop the impending tears during a sappy movie, or raising my voice into a ridiculously high pitch to squeal excitedly about something fabulous.

I'm becoming her.

And I couldn't be more thrilled.

For her pleasure, on her day, here are a few highlights from my life with my Mom. Heads up, Mom—go grab a Kleenex. I'm just saying. I know you.

• The woman is THE PERSON you want while renovating or doing any number of house projects. There is just nothing she can't figure out, dream up, paint over or make happen. My condo is proof of her magic ability to take an ugly, empty, pink stove and fake-wood-metal-cabinets kitchen look amazing. And, the woman looks hot wearing an apron from Home Depot covered in paint. I promise.


• My Mom took great pleasure in making childhood memories and holidays special for me and my sister. Every year for St. Patrick's Day she would dig deep into her Irish-ness and dye all of our dinner foods bright green, distribute green paper leprechaun ears and toast her heritage with green glasses of milk. Our personal favorite was macaroni, and we were convinced it tasted different when it was green.


• As a woman who grew up in a household of 10 kids, my Mom is resourceful and industrious. She used to not only wow us with her pumpkin carving skills, but she handmade every Halloween costume we wanted, and they were WAY BETTER than the ones at the store. Lauren somehow got the shaft one year when she had to go as a book character, as Laura Ingles Wilder isn't all that cool, especially when your sister gets to be a punk rocker with pink hair. Sorry, Laur.


• In keeping with the above holiday theme, every Easter, while we girls were at church, she ensured that my Dad would be placing the plastic eggs all over our yard. We loved getting our new dresses, and giggled with Mom when Dad inevitably chopped up one lone purple egg with his riding lawn mower the following weekend.


• Ever the crafty one, my Mom is the queen of homemade birthday cards, and I gotta tell you, most of the time the message inside is funnier and more meaningful that the ones from Hallmark. When you care enough to send the very best, you go to Eileen's house and use her printer.


• I'll never forget the look on her face when she handed me the bouquet of bright red roses on the day of my college graduation. It was a combination of pride in what had been gained, sadness for what was lost, anticipation for what was to come, and reflection on where we'd been. I was proud to be the cause for that look, and will be continuing to make her proud as long as I can.


• My Dad gets credit for this one, too, but I have to apologize now for the "bleacher butt" they both suffered for years. Those gyms all look the same, smell the same, and have the same ridiculously hard wooden bleachers, and they sat there, yelling out my name, for years and years, during every season there was. The Norcross High School Blue Devils sweatshirt, however, has seen better days, and we're glad that it is now relegated to the back of the closet.


• It is only now, as an adult with a car and a huge city in which to run errands, that I fully appreciate the efforts of the driver. Captaining a mini-van full of kids, driving us all over the state, could NOT have been how she wanted to spend her weekends, but she did. With no complaints, and great oldies tunes. To which she always said, "I was in 7th grade when this came out!" or "I danced with Charlie Jacoby to this one in 1970!" We loved thinking of our Mom that young and free.


• Able to control her own work schedule, my Mom was great about dragging us girls on cool spring break vacations to Destin, Florida, where we were allowed to bring a friend. Now THAT made us feel grown up. As a family, we have fond memories, and silly photos from, Disney World, Grant's Farm, Busch Gardens, Six Flags, Hilton Head and Gulf Shores. The bathing suits were terribly cool at the time, but looking back, man were the styles funny. Mom, you were one hot mama!


• With a birthday that is just 3 days after Christmas, my Mom always made sure that I still felt special. She always used purple birthday wrapping paper (or some other non-holiday shade) and kept them a secret until the big day. We got to use the big, red, round plate that said, "You are special today" while we ate whatever meal we'd requested. I felt special then, and still do, thanks to her thoughtfulness.


• I think she was crazy to do it, but she let me have a HUGE birthday sleepover in 5th grade, and invited 12 or so girls to the house. Pretty sure they didn't sleep that night, but that kind of sacrifice for our happiness was never forgotten. She even painted EVERY girl's fingernails. Crazy woman.


• As an adult, I have even better memories, ones that go deeper than sporting events, holidays or family vacations. Now, my Mom is my best friend, the woman I long to become and a huge supporter of my dreams. Even when I can't afford them, and she has to sneak me a loan.


• Driving up in a U-Haul to move me to Chicago, it was almost as if my Mom didn't have a totally ruined hand, and a full set of prescription painkillers, from an unfortunate run-in with a Hunter Douglas blind. Despite the wrecked hand, huge cast and undoubtedly, the pain, she put on a smile and rode in the center all the way from Atlanta to Chicago, laughing the loudest when the U-Haul broke down halfway across Indiana. She's strong and resilient like that.


• When my vacation plans fell apart a few years ago, she immediately volunteered to get away with me. We boarded flights for Miami, and jetted off on to our cruise ship to the Caribbean. Just us girls. We dressed up, ate too much, drank buckets of beer by the pool, played games of Scrabble where I trounced her repeatedly, and we laughed and laughed and laughed. Only part of that laughter was AT her for trying to beat me at a word game.

As mothers do, mine has always been supportive of my dreams, even when I've lost hope. She has been there for me as I battled through a difficult job situation, and cheered the loudest when I moved on to better things. She's consistent with her encouragement during the MANY heartaches I've experienced, and is the best friend I could ask for. She asks the tough questions, the ones that I'm avoiding with full force, and when the answer comes out, and she softens the blow, I often have to just concede that she's right. She knew when I moved to Chicago that it wasn't likely that it would be "just for two years," and yet she is still convinced it was the right thing to do.

Distance is only on the roads, love reaches across the miles, and Mom, your opinion is still the most important to me. I hope I'm making you proud.

Before we got sauced at a Wine Fest in St. Louis in '05.
I love and miss you every day. I hope to become half the woman you are, and every bit the mother.

Happy YOU Day!