Rolling the Dice

In the age of online social networks, online job boards, online recruiting, online job seeker communities and online unemployment filing, I figured I'd resort to the online world once again.

So, here goes. I'm rolling the dice. Being open. Vulnerable. Honest.

I'm still looking for the right job. In this tough economy, bad time of year and holiday season, it has been tough to get interviews, tough to get good leads and even tougher to get calls back. In the rare instance of a successful connection, it is tough to get them to make a decision on a job quickly, even when the candidates are right, ready and anxious to start working.

I have officially sent resumes to, applied for jobs at, interviewed at and made contacts with the following agencies, most to no avail (listed in alphabetical order):

Abelson-Taylor
Anthem
Biersma Creative
Bluedog Design
Corbett
Cramer-Krasselt
Current Lifestyle Marketing
DDB
Design Kitchen
Draftfcb
Egg Strategy
Element 79
Euro RSCG/Euro RSCG Life
Evolution Point
Hoffman York
HSR Business to Business
iCrossing
Interbrand Health
Laughlin Constable
Leo Burnett
MarketSense
Momentum Worldwide
Ogilvy
Point B Communications
Razorfish/Avenue A Communications
Remedy
Rivet
RPM Advertising
S2 Marketing Communications
Schawk
Slack Barshinger
Upshot
Wunderman

Here's what I'm hoping. I am hopeful that one of the hiring managers, talent scouts, or recruiters at one of these agencies will get a Google Alert or a ping that their agency's name was posted here, and will look me up. I'm hoping, dreaming, praying that one of them will contact me and will be interested in talking to me about my experience.

I've got 10 years in this business. Ten years representing clients and managing their accounts. Ten years learning and perfecting integrated marketing communications. Ten years developing brand strategies and plans to invigorate or invent brands. Ten years dealing with the challenges of ROI, media plans, deadlines, flexing budgets, internal marketing groups, external agency partners and vendor contacts.

And, believe it or not, I still love this business.

So, if there was ever a time for me to strike it rich in the employment lottery, the time is now.

Come on, Internet, let's make this happen. If you (yes, you) are reading this and you have a friend, an aunt, a neighbor, a past colleague, a cousin, a lover or a postman who knows someone in this business, please let me know. If you have any "in" at any of the above agencies, now is the time to make the call, send the email or check the Rolodex. I'm begging.

I'm antsy, my condo is spotless, my files are color-coded and organized, my (meager) Christmas shopping is almost complete, and my Tivo has given up on me. I'm running thin on funds and even thinner on patience.

I need a job, and need your help to find it. In fact, I want more than a job, and maybe that's my problem. I want a career step. I still have the optimism and the faith that this search will land me in the right spot, in the right company, working on the right business and making a difference.

Thanks for indulging me. I assure you that if I do find a job, you will be graced with funny stories, life observances and commuting sagas to make the posts I've dedicated to this sorry search worth it!

I have faith, blind or otherwise.

Until then...I do what I've been doing best.

I wait.

Will Work for Food

Yes. I am alive.

I realize that after over a year of posting a blog almost every day, the last month of quiet must seem like a decade. I certainly would have to agree.

The thing is, honestly, this unemployment thing is just no fun at all. And it is loaded with cliches.

I don't resent the support, but it is a bit hard to believe anyone anymore.

Everyone keeps telling me to keep my head up (or chin, take your pick) and that something will come my way, and that doors close and windows open, and that blessings come in disguise, and that good things are just around the corner and that I should be grateful for this time off, and that I am great and super and fantastic and fabulous and the next best thing and blah blah blah.

I just don't believe it anymore.

The thing is—I like work. I like being busy. I like feeling like I'm contributing. And, I think most of all, I like feeling like I accomplished something each day. Big or small, it was just nice to feel like I achieved something after getting out of bed.

These days, a shower is a true accomplishment.

Not to say that I'm being totally lazy; no, it is more like an eternal quest to nowhere. A bridge, perhaps.

Each day, after crawling reluctantly out of bed, I toil on the computer (borrowed, and now mine) and stare at job boards, and decline sales jobs, and refresh my resume, and tweak my portfolio, and send emails to everyone I know in the industry, and inquire about any possible opportunities, and network in every way I know how, and then I start all over again.

And, I wait. I wait for the recruiter to call. I wait for the HR department to decide. I wait for the response to the email. I wait for the interviewer to come get me in the lobby. I wait for the bus afterwards and wonder how it went. I wait for the unemployment office to return my call. I wait for them to see me at the unemployment office. I wait for the weekend when other people are free to play. I wait for the call.

At the end of the day, I just don't feel accomplished. I think this is the hardest part of being unemployed, save for the long hours of no interaction that I have while toiling and waiting and toiling and waiting on my own.

It is amazing to realize that when you're employed, you identify yourself by what you do, where you work, what industry you're in, and how long you've been doing it. It is the first question that comes up at a party, and when you don't have an answer, you just feel like you're the one that showed up to the party naked. With a funny hat on your head.

I have no identity right now, and I'm bored and lonely and sick of making lists of the small house projects that I can do that don't cost anything and laundry and dishes and vacuuming and making the bed only take up so much time.

I'm going a little bit nuts, by the minute, by the day. I can't even bring myself to update my Facebook status all that regularly. What would I write? "Colleen is...still unemployed." "Colleen is sick of unemployment." "Colleen is staring at her computer." "Colleen wishes she could afford to go Christmas shopping."

Or, the most accurate, "Colleen is waiting."

And then there is the screwy unemployment office. This is the U.S. Government at work, people. I have officially only received payment for one of the last four weeks that I've been filing, and the payment was apparently for week two. Where the heck is the meager pittance for week one? Calling the offices are not productive, either, and sitting in their waiting room, you realize how many people are in this boat and that there is no chance that you're going to get called by the time they close at 5 pm. I believe that it is clear that they need more clerks—because one is just not appropriate—and ironically, I can count, uh, let's say, 400 people in the waiting room staring at you that may be willing to work here?

It is that bad.

Yep. Life as an unemployed person is just not so much fun. Therefore, I have been silent on the blog. I don't think there is much else I can say. But, with access to a computer now, I'll try to come up with something.

In the meantime, I go back to waiting. And, unfortunately, so must you.

(Mom, don't worry. I haven't made a cardboard sign just yet. I can't afford the Sharpies.)

On the Job

The weather forecasters predicted that we would get 6-12" of snow starting at 6 pm last night. They made a huge deal about how bad the commute would be last night, and again this morning.

They, once again, were wrong. Even Tom Skilling on WGN was all mixed up! Who can you trust?!

We awoke to find nothing more than some wet pavements, light sleet and heavy winds. Not the huge snowfall they'd promised (or scared us with).

It got me thinking. What other jobs can you be so bad at, and wrong so much of the time, and yet still get paid? I recall a story about the mayor in Moscow declaring that he was going to begin fining the weathermen if they were wrong, to raise funds for more weather data centers. A little harsh, but hey, it's Russia.

Seems like kindof a keen idea. Hold people accountable. I know that if I were completely unprepared and incorrect in fulfilling the entirety of my job description, I'd be looking elsewhere for employment.

And, while on the topic of jobs, employment and total failures, I was thinking about how strange it would be to be the current President of the United States. Politics aside (sortof), President Bush has been doing a job for a little over 7 years now. For the next 10 months he has to (or rather, gets to?) watch others battle ferociously for his job.

Wouldn't that be awkward in the typical office situation?

Sure, take my job. Battle that guy for it. Spend all your money doing it, and make a fool of yourself once or twice along the way. Heck, drag your entire families through the mud while you're at it. Don't sleep for nearly a year, and travel on huge busses, planes and trains to every small dinky little town in America, pretending you care (or know where the heck you are). Watch as your former classmates, lovers, roommates, and distant family members unveil your dirty little secrets and shed light on all of the skeletons in your closet. Pack all of your things, and just move right in. To my office, and my home. Kick me completely to the curb.

Just take my job. Please?

The "please" is how I assume President Bush must feel. At least the election takes the spotlight, and some of the pressure, off of him.

For now.

At least until his next live (candid or otherwise) speech.

Welcome to My Office

My friend Laura and I were driving behind a cab last night, watching as he stopped in the middle of the lane, no warning, no blinker, no hazard lights. Just came to a complete stop. For no apparent reason.

It got us talking about our cab pet peeves, and apparently we have plenty. In a fit of giggles, Laura and I collectively decided one of the most annoying things cab drivers do is this:

You get in, give the address, and then they sit still. It is evident that they have absolutely no idea where to go to get you there. They pause. They turn their head back to you, and say, "uhm, where is that?"

I realize that no one is perfect. No one knows everything, but this is an issue.

The cab driver's entire job is designed around getting you to your destination, safely, efficiently and in the most direct way.

If they don't know where to go, or how to get there, it is basically a complete failure of doing their job.

We decided that this absolute inability to perform is the taxi driver equivalent of us not knowing how to do our job, but yet sitting in our office and pretending that we do.

Here's the mental image: I'm seated in my office, behind my computer, hands on the keyboard. Possibly sipping on the free coffee provided by the company. Someone comes into the office, takes a seat, and patiently yet firmly asks me to do something, and I say, "uhm, yeah, how do I do that?"

And, the unsuspecting person has to detail the steps for me, piece by piece, and explains the nuances of that part of my job. Basically does it for me.

And, yet, when they are finished, and I meagerly do the task as requested, I put out my hand and still demand my paycheck. For nothing.

Then I say, "Oh, and here's my body odor for your sensory pleasure. Thanks for coming by."

It just doesn't work. The cab driver's entire job is built around the idea that they can get you to where you want to go. Not knowing the streets of Chicago just renders them completely unsuccessful at their job. Yet, they still want to get paid.

Not sure that would fly in most offices. Right, Jim?