If Only

This summer, my aunt was making me laugh as we talked about driving, getting lost, and wishing we weren't lost.

She's a realtor, so she's constantly in new areas, neighborhoods or towns, crisscrossing all over metro St. Louis.

I'm just in New Jersey.

Lost.

On the Turnpike.

Anyway, she mentioned that she's had the same GPS unit for years - why don't I have one of those installed around my neck? - and has always liked how the unit works, but had a few complaints.

It had a woman's voice with an American accent on it. She joked that she wasn't too fond of the tone or quality of the voice, but that the machine got her to her destination on time, and without sidetracking *unlike my stories* and was reliable to boot.

But she didn't really like having that lady, and her voice, accompany her on all of her ventures.

Until the day she dropped it.

The unit bounced across the floor, and she scrambled to retreive it, hoping that the damage wasn't irrevocable. The next time she plugged it into her car, headed for an appointment, the voice came on and announced the next move.

In a male voice. With a British accent.

She was startled, and then pleased. No one minds taking directions from a voice with such a lovely accent. And the Brits always sound smarter, so she trusted him immmensley.

Now, given my love for all things European, she suggested that if I didn't like a man I was dating, and dropped him on his head, the incident may quite possibly result in him speaking to me in British tones.

I may have to give that one a try. Any takers?

Confidence, then Panic

Someone asked me for directions to RL tonight. RL is the signature restaurant by Ralph Lauren that I've never been to, but have heard the food is good. I assume it is located near the Ralph Lauren clothing store, on the corner of Michigan Avenue and Chicago Avenue, but that was just a guess. An educated one, but still a guess.

So this guy turns to me on the bus and asks how to find the place. I immediately begin to tell him which stop to get off at (Superior) and to walk north one block, to cross the street, and to look for the restaurant on the corner. I think he was actually listening (which is good, since half the time people don't) and I have a pretty high level of confidence that he found it.

But then he got off the bus and began his Colleen-directed trek. That's when the panic set in.

What if I was mistaken? Did I send him to the wrong restaurant? Is he going to wander the streets of Chicago aimlessly? Probably not, but that cold fear struck me as he left the bus.

It happens every time someone asks me for directions. I love to help, and am happy to send them on their merry way, but then I stand there questioning my knowledge of the streets, addresses or landmarks.

Oh well. If anyone sees that guy still walking around looking for RL, please point him in the right direction. Send him towards the khaki pants, at the very least. He'll find the cafe from there.