This morning, I learned something new. Shocking that this type of education could come into my life before 9 am, but it is true.
The CTA bus drivers have a small screen above their heads, within arm's reach, that displays several options for the pre-recorded public service announcements. They can actually CHOOSE which messages they want to cycle up next, and which ones they feel that this busload of people doesn't need to hear.
This isn't that big of news unless you consider the implications and the historical references to these pre-recorded messages in the past. First, there was this girl who talked on her phone so loudly and the "ironic" timing of the message about how that type of behavior should be avoided while on the bus. Or there was the time the bus kept stalling on Michigan Avenue and the announcement about where to direct your compliments or complaints about CTA service was also "ironically" timed. Who knows, maybe it was all in the hands of the bus driver?
Kindof changes my point of view on these announcements. And, makes me wonder...
Wouldn't it be nice to have an omnipresent, omniscient voice to follow you around and say the things that you wish you could say without being a total jerk? In that pre-recorded, banal voice?
I suspect they'd start out professional and public service-y, and end up getting nasty, cutthroat and personal.
Here are a few that MY personal public service announcement recorder would play:
- Please don't stand so close to the person in front of you when in line at the grocery store, a bar, the bus stop or anywhere else where people congregate. It is annoying for you to be up in my business, breathing on my neck.
- Please don't walk in large groups across while going down the sidewalk on Michigan Avenue. While we appreciate that you all want to experience this fair city together and at the SAME EXACT MOMENT, is it really necessary for you to link arms and walk 6 deep? This isn't an offensive line, and you're just plain offending me.
- Please don't chew gum with your mouth open. The sound is distracting, it looks disgusting and I'm pretty sure your momma taught you better.
- Please don't talk through the movie as it is shown in Grant Park on the big screen. If you wanted to just talk to each other, you should have gone to a restaurant. This is for, you know, watching the MOVIE.
- Please don't leave your dishes in the public sink at work as it can spread germs and increase other levels of unsanitary bacteria. And, I'm pretty sure your momma doesn't work here.
- Please replace the paper towel roll in the kitchen if you are the last person to use it. It only takes a second, and it is common sense and common courtesy. Clearly you are deficient in both areas.
- Please use turn signals to indicate the direction of travel you intend to take so I don't ram into the back of your bumper as you jerk to a stop. I can't read minds, and if I could, I'd say that there didn't seem to be much activity in there anyway.
What would your public service announcement say? And, more importantly, who would voice it?
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4 comments:
This reminds me of the bitchy Spirit Air, flight attendant Tulip (yep that was her name) on the way to Costa Rica.
background: you can't form a line for the bathroom at the front of the plane closer than the 4th row. They don't want you congregating around the cockpit door.
Throughout the flight, a few passengers (including Mandi) missed this announcement and went to line up outside the door. Tulip was standing in the flight attendant "cove" within an arms distance from them. She could have nicely told them to step back 10 feet but NOPE! Each time this happened, Tulip grabbed her cabin mic, stared at the "idiot", and proceeded to announce the "no line outside the bathroom door" rule to the entire plane as the stupid passenger sheepishly walked back to row four.
I believe the passengers felt stupid at first and were nervous about turning and facing the entire plane. Their fears were quickly squashed when fellow passengers began mouthing to them "she's a bitch, she sucks". We all shared a good laugh over Tulip.
Wait, it isn't appropriate to just say those things to people....?
I remember one time, while slaving away at my part-time gig at Banana Republic, I walked into a fitting room to find a pile of clothing rolled into a ball and on the floor. I scooped every last article up in my arms, found the customer on the floor and in a louder than normal voice with a charming smile I said:
"I'm sorry, I couldn't tell from the way you left the clothing on the floor if you were interested in anything. So before I put it back, did you care to purchase any of this?"
Other customers snickered and the bitch never came back. At least not on my watch (wink).
You would hate going to movies in the park with Monica and I. We go because we want to see the movie but we also talk, and sing (if it is a musical), a lot.
I most certainly do agree with many of the announcements though and am delighted to discover that the drivers can choose the messages to play. I do wonder why move to the back of the bus comes on at 12am when the bus is empty though.
My favorite CTA announcement is the one that goes (in the chipper male voice): "Smoking, eating, littering, gambling and radio playing are prohibited on CTA vehicles."
GAMBLING? RADIO PLAYING?
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