I Guess Mowing the Lawn is a Given?

I just saw this article in Esquire and it is truly great. Entitled "The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master," it not only lists them, there is some sideline commentary that cracks me up.

The author, Tom Chiarella, asserts that no man can be an expert in everything, but racking up these skills as he moves through life is one way to guarantee manly success.

I'd have to agree.

Specifically, I'm a fan of the following, complete with my own sideline chatter:

• #3 Take a photo. Everyone should know this, and men aren't the only ones who suck. I abhor handing my camera to someone who offers to take the group photo, only to get it back and see 40% of the photo is allocated to the roof, or the table covered in beer bottles. Thank God for the cropping tool.


• #5 Name a book that matters. And no, Stephen King doesn't count.


• #24 Know his poison, without standing there like a dope. Amen. Isn't that a huge turn-off for women? A man that flounders at the bar, only to quietly, timidly order something girly and pink? Honestly, I was out with a friend and her (now ex) boyfriend, and he ordered a Stoli Orange with a splash of grapefruit and a dash of Diet Seven-up. I almost croaked on my Miller Lite. Not only was his drink something only to be sipped while in Mexico on the beach, his order included the words 'dash' and 'diet.' Not manly, my friend.


• #31 Make a bed. Admittedly, this one parlays into my OCD/neatness tendencies. But seriously, how hard is it to pull the comforter up? Place a pillow or two at the top? PRETEND you have nice bedding and a headboard that matches the footboard? (Sorry, Brett.) I am guessing that when men get married, they also get furniture and a made bed.


• #35 Jump-start a car, change a flat tire and change the oil. Frankly, this one is good for a man who is with me, because short of checking the oil or adding wiper fluid, I'm toast. Side-of-the-road-and-stranded toast. Thank God the one time I had a flat was within about 7 miles of my parents' house and my Dad rescued me.


• #41 Speak to a waiter so he will hear. My feeling on this is not so much about the volume with which you address the waiter, but the manner and temperament with which you address the waiter. If a man is rude to a server, he's also likely to be mean to his mother, and may kick puppies on the side. Having waited tables many times in my life, it is not that hard to be kind, direct, respectful and polite. On either side of the table.


• #51 Build a campfire. I like this one strictly because for me, the image of a man building a campfire, bonfire or fire in the wood-burning fireplace in the basement, is just hot. No pun intended.


• #54 Break up a fight. Yes, please. I hate violence, and fighting is something I just don't get. I know, I know, #13 says you should know how to throw a punch, but I'm more a fan of the guy who is breaking up the fight, urging the guys to speak rationally about the issue. Maybe I'm dreaming, but after witnessing a few drunken brawls in college, and even ducking once or twice when a bottle sailed our way, I'm out.


• #59 Write a thank you note. I threw this one in here for all my girls who have gotten married, or had kids (or both!) and had to spend hours writing the notes alone. My cousin asked her husband to write the notes to his family and friends, and she wrote her half, and it seemed like a great idea. His note was cute, charming and a tad bit hilarious, but at least it was heartfelt and genuine. Don't worry, men, the article breaks down the note's structure for you. Maybe a thank you note to the author is in order?


• #62 Hold a baby. Why, I suspect this skill will come in handy at least one day. And, the Heisman Trophy pose will only work on the kid when he is REALLY small. And it scares the mother anyway.


• #71 Iron a shirt. I can't help but recall a time when my friend Brad was staying with my family for a summer in college due to an internship a few days a week, and the "ironing board dance" is still a family memory that is guaranteed to stir up some laughs. The author doesn't tell you this, but the secret is two-fold. Starch makes everything easier, and always do the front last. That's the part that matters most anyway.


• #73 Caress a woman's neck. Quite obviously. Brett, your technique makes up for the unmade bed. Almost.

There you have it. A concise list of 75 easy ways to become a well-rounded, skilled manly man.

I must admit, I'm happy to say that most of the men in my life (read: my boyfriend, few close guy friends and my father) are all quite skilled. I wonder who has the most? I'm pretty sure men like a good competition...

Maybe we should develop a bracket and keep score?