While watching a Tivoed episode of Oprah, I heard something that struck a chord. And, yes, this is primarily for my single female readers, but I suspect that all women could benefit from this nugget. The show featured Patti Novak, the straight-talking, tough-as-nails, East Coast matchmaker from TV fame, and the subject was 'why can't eligible single women find love?'
I have felt that way before so many times, for myself and for friends and family. Wondered what we were doing wrong. Blamed ourself and analzyed it to death.
Patti broke it down. She calls it the "pickle jar effect."
Now, before I share this, please refrain from any comments that fall into the categories of Oprah-hating, men-bashing, women's lib promoting, or any others that are heavy with argumentativeness.
Because, as much as we may not like it, she has a point.
Her "pickle jar theory" is that since women are more educated, more succesful, more talented, more well-paid and more independent than ever before in history (and yes, this is still deemed a good thing), we are also more and more intimidating, and alienating, to the men. At the core of their being, men want to be needed. And, sometimes this is just as simple as needing them to open the pickle jar.
Yes, we can dig out a knife and bang it on the lid and strain and open the stupid jar ourselves, and we WOULD do that if we were home alone, but it never can hurt to turn to the guy and ask for his help opening it.
It is a very base, simple and innocent gesture that allows men to feel strong, manly and necessary, and it allows us to dig into the pickles much faster.
Feed the ego, feed the stomach.
Seems like a win-win to me.
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3 comments:
Dude, have I never told you my mom told me that about 8 years ago? She said "Elizabeth. . sometimes you have to just let them open the pickle jar".
I will tell you that I warned Walton that he would make me lazy if he started doing things for me and I'll tell you that I sit on the couch and he does my bidding these days. It is truly pathetic how lazy he's made be by his need to be "needed".
It is awesome though. HAHA
Yes... just what I want... a girl who makes me do things she can't.
I'm not buying it. Unless a guy is very insecure and/or sexist, guys would rather have a fun, assertive, intelligent and above all independent woman who'll let him hang with buds and watch football.
This speaks to partnership. Sure you can do it all ... by yourself. But if you want to share your life with someone; you need to partner on the big and little things. It is important to support each other and to do things for each other. It can be tender and caring. There does not need to be a boss. It is not a contest and not always equal because we all have different needs at different times. Finding that balance will make your life together the life in your dreams. We have had ours for over 30 years.
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